Skinny Runner Giveaway!

I know I suck, I bared my soul and got really vulnerable in my post last week and haven't said a thing since. I have intended to, I just haven't gotten around to it!

But Skinny Runner is doing a give away and I REALLY want to win. So I'm blogging, FB'ing AND Tweeting about it to get my chances up there. SR is one of my absolute favorite blogs to read stalk. She is giving away BIC Bands and I'm drying to try them. I have never found a hair band that holds back my crazy curls. And I got to have good hair while I struggle to run.

So go enter! Maybe you will win if I don't. If you do you have to share with me.

Why Do I Run?

Hey Y'all! It's been a long time again, since October 11. My bad! I've been busy with regular life, planning and pulling off a kick ass surprise party for my Mom and adjusting to my diagnoses. Which I'm sure all of my 4 readers would like to know about, and I'll get to that really soon, I promise. I'm back, and I'm better than ever which is usually, luckily, the case for me. One thing about me if you don't already know, is I get knocked down but I get the fuck back up am and better for it.

Today, the question is why do I run. I'm often asked that, I think for obvious reasons, I'm clearly no natural athlete but also because as some people already know, I have a bum knee from a serious and tragic car accident in which my Uncle was killed and I was injured and because I have asthma. The simple answer is very cliche, I do it because people think I can't but also because I thought I couldn't. Over 5 years ago when my then husband and I were having trouble and we separated I went through a party phase (nothing new to me). Then when I found out he had been having an affair with someone I sort of considered a friend, I thought my life was over because my marriage was. Because I had failed. It has defined me for the most part since then, but that has slowly changed over the years as I have grown and welcomed other things into my life such as running. My party phase ended because I needed something more in my life and exercise is awesome all the way around. Mentally and physically it does nothing but better you. I have been off and on with running the past 4 years, I have completed several 5Ks and one 8K, I have stopped and started more times than you could count. But I always keep coming back and each time I get a little better, a little faster even though I am one slow ass runner. But I'm doing it and that makes me feel PROUD. And we all need something to feel good about ourselves. It's challenging physically and it is a major challenge mentally. I've learned SO much through running. Discipline, not giving up, training through injuries and knowing when to rest. I am competing against myself to be better each time. Plus I feel like a badass when I am running, even if it isn't easy. When you are done you feel BADASS!

Some days are harder than others for my running, such as today, my inhaler is beat. But I did my mileage anyway even though I was gasping a lot. Some days, not that often, I do get that famed "runner's high," and I think I could just run forever if only I had time. Running also gives me quality time with music blasting in my ear. Music pretty much makes my life and it makes running bearable for me, because above all else, running is hard. It's not pretty, at least not for me. And I've discovered racing. I love racing!! The energy, the atmosphere, it is awesome! And some of the bigger races like the Yuengling Half and Full Marathon/8K which I am doing again in March at Virginia Beach have free beer at the end and bands playing on the beach. How much better can it get?! Some of my favorite things thrown together! There is nothing like running your last miles on the boardwalk, receiving your medal, then chilling on the beach with great music, beer, food and other like minded people.

So that's why I run. And some people sort of hate on it, but that's okay. You don't have to cheer me on although I would welcome it, because I can do it myself. I've gotten myself this far and I will continue on.

My dream is one day to meet a man to share my life with who also shares my love of running or at least my love of fitness and it's importance in life, as well as other things of course. Someone who may not want to run with me but will support me and encourage me. I hope I would never settle again, because I gave and gave of my self to someone who wasn't ready or willing to accept that kind of love or me as I am with my imperfections. I'm a happy person now, but it took hard ass work to get here. And I'm happy, so happy with my little life, even though I'd love to share it with someone, it's okay if I don't, I am still fulfilled. So as you see, what once defined my life, thankfully, no longer does but it's also a process that is continuing and I couldn't have done it without running. Or my ex-husband, and for that I thank him because without that devastation, I would not be where I am now. I would not have running. I would not be the Me I am now, and I like that Me.

Side note: I am still a Rockstar when I want to be, those who know me IRL (In Real Life) certainly know that. I think it's just part of who I am. But there's so much more to me, I hope you give me the time to get to know me and find that out. I'd like to know all of you in depth as well. Connecting is what it's all about.

So join me sometime at the gym for a run or a class. I promise we will have fun!

I'll leave you with one of my favorite race shirts, Real Girls Run. Yes, another reason I love races, you get cool "free" stuff!

Edit I: My marriage didn't end solely because of the affair, we had issues. We both contributed, as usually is the case with any divorce. Could we have worked it out if someone else wasn't involved? Maybe. Maybe not. Doesn't matter.

Edit II: Never feel like because a relationship ends that your life is over. There is so much in life to enjoy. Yes, we all want companionship, support, an awesome sex life, family and love, but you can have all those things in different places, in different ways. Just never settle to have it, it's not worth it. Look around, really get to know people, enjoy what life has to offer, be adventurous - whatever that means to you. Appreciate even the low, bad times somehow, it makes the great times that much better. Life is not fair, life is not easy, but we're here. Let's rock it.

Okay I think that's enough cliche bullshit for one day! It's corny, but I love it. And it works for me. Look how far I've come!

What to say?

I want to update my blog, however I don't know what to say right now. I have about 2 people reading this and I have no clue who they are so have no idea who my audience is. And if they would mind that what I have to say isn't uplifting or particularly funny right now. I'm guessing I should write for myself and if anyone reads, they read, if not, that's okay too. It's not like I'm trying to make a living at this. Thankfully!

I have test results, I don't really know how much to say about them here. I've not been able to do a single race that I recently blogged about due to the health issues and subsequently my mental state not being where it needs to be to tackle races. I was so excited. Now I just feel let down and frankly embarrassed.

Soon I'll figure out how to say everything that needs to be said. In the meantime I'm resting as much as I can, working and taking new meds. And thinking. A lot of thinking about what kind of life changes I need to make for a healthier, happier Shae. And then, I need to get to doing. Thinking is fine, but the doing, that is what makes the difference.

I recently put some colorful post it notes on my huge bathroom mirror with inspiring and supportive quotes as well as on my vision board hanging in my bedroom in an effort to surround myself with positive things first thing in the morning. And also, because I need support and it's not something I feel like I'm getting anywhere else. So my thinking is, well, you do it for yourself then.

I told someone recently I felt like there must be a breakthrough for me on the horizon because it's been months and months of turmoil and struggle, which means I'm growing. And soon, I hope very soon, there will be some relief and actual forward progress.

So as not to be a completely depressing I will leave you with a super cute photo of 2 little terrors, Dexter and Teddy, I took care of this weekend. I say terrors because they pissed on everything in my house multiple times each day. Nevertheless they were super cuddly and sweet.

9/29/11 Training Report, etc

Ran 2 miles Gold's Gym Treadmill

Good run. At this point in training I am running 3 minutes at 5.2 speed, walking 1 minute at 3.5 speed, no incline. I felt physically strong during the whole run and if there were more time and I was not racing Saturday I would have gone for 3. My left shin did start to pull and tug a bit just after into mile 1, which is not abnormal for me. I tend to have shin issues and make sure to stretch them well before my run. That is also my "weak" leg. I was in an accident at age 15 and broke my knee, there was never any physical therapy or anything like that and it has always been a bit weaker. I also have asthma, even with my inhaler I could tell my breathing was more labored in mile 2, getting slightly progressively worse as I went on. Mentally I was having to pep talk myself a lot, this is normally my biggest challenge. My damn brain, it betrays me sometimes! I am also entering a hormone cycle which began yesterday and starting to feel the effects of that. So a few challenges, but overall a good run.

So many people I know train outside, but I sort of tried that and like the treadmill better. On the treadmill I know what my speed is, otherwise I haven't a clue! I'm really a total novice at this despite all my reading and knowledge I've gained that way.

On another note, still no test results from the Dr, so just waiting. Hopefully at the latest I'll know something by the end of next week.

I'm trying to figure out how to starting incorporating pictures into my posts, as in what would be interesting? What do people want to see? I know a couple people are reading so I'm going to try to make it a little more interesting for you :) I'm just not sure yet what approach I'm going to take.

I have a ton of stuff going on this weekend and I need to try not to overdo it, I still need to get lots of rest and have down time. My body and mind need it. I have 2 different dog sits going on, staying in one home in Bridgewater with 2 dogs Fri - Sun and taking care of another dog in Dayton for those same days as well. I have the 5K, possible tailgating and game midafternoon, and Fear Forest with a bunch of fun peeps around 6:30 that evening. Of course dog duties off and in and in between! Sunday after dog duties there is going to be a lot of rest.

What's on tap for your weekend?

Running and Races

I really enjoy doing races, they are addictive, although they sort of scare the shit out of me. But that's typical, I like to do things that scare me. I have 3 coming up on consecutive Saturdays. THREE. Yes, my dumb ass signed up for a 5K this Saturday Oct 1st (and I hear it's hilly - eek!) for JMU's Homecoming, Real Girl's Run 6K in Charlottesville Saturday Oct 8th and Bridgewater College's Homecoming 5K on Saturday Oct 15th. I will finish easily, but it's possible I will be one of the last few and have to walk a good bit. I am mostly okay with that. Okay, well I really don't want to be last or even that near to last, but I have to be okay with where ever I finish. My training has been interrupted several times by other life events and I'm not where I'd like to be. And while I'm being really honest here, I'm slow. I am not a natural born athlete and I could stand to lose weight. However, it is the mental challenge that keeps me coming back as well as the way my body feels afterward. I have started and stopped running quite a few times over the last 4 years. And I keep coming back, this year with a vengeance. I do a lot of reading and I've discovered many running blogs that I can't get enough of. I've mentioned some here before: Beth at SUAR, Cely at Running Off The Reese's; some other favorites are Skinny Runner, Eat:Watch:Run and Liz at One Twenty Five. (Speaking of Liz, she just uprooted her whole life in Canada, did the Berlin marathon, going to climb Mt. Everest and then traveling around the world for a few months before settling in London.) So yeah, check these ladies out. They are badass. And they've taught me a lot. Running is more mental than physical. And that is why I keep coming back to it, because I crave that mental challenge, the competition with myself. There are times when running that I get that high, but it's few and far between. Mostly I just feel badass and really proud after I'm done. It doesn't hurt that my body feels tighter, stronger, better. I've met wonderful people and had acquaintances become closer friends through running. They are a supportive bunch! It's tough, sometimes I don't want to. I want to snuggle in my warm bed early in the morning and do it another day or go have drinks after work or lay on my lazy ass and watch trash tv. But that's not going to get me anywhere near my goals. So. I train the best I can. I run. And I race.

Come race and/or support me! JMU Dukes 5K , Real Girl's Run 6K , Bridgewater Homecoming 5K , Yuengling Townebank 8K


EDIT: I forgot to include one of my all time favorite blogs Ben Does Life. How could I forget Ben?! He has an awesome story, be sure to check out this short video of how he went from a fatty couch potato with depression to a marathoner, an Ironman!!! And is doing incredible things with his Do Life Tour. Which, I might add, is coming to Virginia April 5 - 8, 2012 and I plan to meet up and run with them. I am so freaking excited!!! Seriously, put it on your calendar and come with. Amazing stuff.

I'm alive!

Oh hai, to the 4 people that are possibly reading this blog. I had to hiatus again, it has not been pretty. But I'd like to think I'm on the mend. I sort of hit the wall, so to speak. After my last bout with hormone hell I also had a couple weeks of car trouble, which produces extreme money stress in my life. I was also battling a few weird episodes of near passing out/very dizzy/disoriented, etc etc etc. There's a lot more I could go into but it's really not necessary, let's just say there was a ton of physical stuff going on which culminated in wearing on my mental state in a big bad way. So I had to cut everything out other than my main full time job and just rest. I've had a couple dr's appointments, one for testing - 6 vials of blood and FINALLY got the hormone saliva testing done. Just waiting on the results. The other appointment was just regular because I've had major sinus issues and wanted to chop my head off. Sinus infection, antibiotics to the rescue. I am feeling better but not 100%. I'd say, maybe 75%? Yep.

I went to the gym for the first time in almost 2 weeks today. I did a mile in 12:39. Yes I'm slow as a turtle, but I did it and it felt okay. I have 3 upcoming races the next 3 consecutive Saturdays and I'm not where I'd like to be for them, but I'll be completing them regardless if I have to walk them or not. JMU Homecoming 5K this Saturday, Real Girl's Run 6K next Saturday and the Bridgewater Homecoming 5K on the 15th. Nothing major, just going to treat them like training runs on the treadmill and do what I can.

One of my blog friends, Cely, or should I say stalkees? I never comment on her posts, I just love reading (stalking?) her blog - anyway she signed up for an Ultra 50K. I mean, wow. Just WOW. I have trouble doing a 5K. Go Cely go.

Also I came across this little gem and I'd love to have one! Although I only have a shower in my bathroom, there is a tub in the townhouse I share with my roommate which we call "her" bathroom. I don't think she'd mind if I used it with my little caddy where I could put my glass of wine and a candle. And there's even room on there for the bottle of wine so I could refill my glass. Priorities.

So what's next? Another run, probably tomorrow, 2 miles would be good. BodyFlow on Thursday night with a friend because that class is a must and I can't wait to get back to it. I'll rest Friday, 5K Saturday and then begins the month of birthday celebrating! Yes, my birthday is in October and I like to celebrate the entire month culminating in Halloween, which is my favorite holiday. So I have to be well for it all. I'm starting off with a fun day of JMU tailgating with my friend Dee, later in the day, after the 5K. That night I'd like to go see a local band, SP511 who are playing my favorite local watering hole. It's close to home, cheap and friends will be there. The atmosphere needs some improvement but let's face it, all the other good stuff trumps that right now.

Can you ever imagine running 50K? What is your favorite local watering hole?

When Not In Hormone Hell...

I wake up feeling like this little girl every morning. I'm a totally different person when not being plagued by that phase of hormone imbalance. It's amazing, and not in a good way, the 2 different sides of me that I have going right now. Doctor's appointment next week to see if we can't get the hormonal testing going to see what has changed and then be able to modify the supplements I take. I cannot wait. In the meantime, remember you are full of awesome.

Radio Silence

Again, it's been a while since I last posted. Radio silence from me usually means 1 or both of 2 things...I'm busy and/or I'm in a hormone imbalance phase and battling that. Yes, I have been busy, that's pretty much the norm for me. If it's the other, the hormone bs, it takes all of my energy just to try to combat the batshit crazy going on inside me and try to have some sort of semblance of a life. I'm on the downside of this phase so will be catching up here soon. Mostly for my own sanity and for the 3 or 4 people that I can tell are reading this, whoever you are. Thank you for your interest!

Me time.

I'm one of those people that need a lot of "me time." And tonight I'm getting a little. Me time that is. Wink wink. A few hours, just me and 3 dogs I'm taking care of. It's lovely. In fact, I don't want it to end. Tomorrow brings a busy day. But for now I'm just going to lay here watching tv, reading and writing a little bit. I'm soaking up some rejuvenation so I can tackle tomorrow's day activities and then get my party on tomorrow night.

And then Sunday, more me time. :)

Vulnerability

I just watched the most amazing video about human connections. I think I'll have to watch it more than once; I WANT to watch it over and over again and let it sink in, deeply. It's a 20 minute video but you don't realize that, it goes quickly and is very engaging, drawing you in. You can find it here, where I did, on Rachel Machacek's blog.

If you find yourself into this sort of thing, you might want to check out Brené Brown's blog Ordinary Courage.

Blogs I Love

As I've said before, I read a ton of blogs. Here's one I love and I particularly dig this post.

Meadow DeVor kicks ass.

Working It Out

That work out schedule I made for myself last week? BAHAHAHA. It didn't happen. Extremely busy week at work after having been at Myrtle Beach for a week and all my energies went to that. I was also still struggling with the hormone issue that rears it's ugly head and it just drains me. But I got back on the wagon this week. The focus is going to be running and the BodyFlow class at Gold's. I'd LOVE to do more, free weights or BodyPump, BodyCombat and I'm dying to take some MMA classes, but I can only do so much. So I'm focusing on the running because that's a goal for myself and the BodyFlow because I just love it. Trying to do too much is a trap I fall into all too often so I have to try to avoid it at all costs because it sets me back a ton. So far, so good this week, have hit every work out goal. I have the Real Girls Run 6K on Saturday, October 8 and I hope to not finish last. But even if I did, I'd still be proud I did it. I've also signed up for a local college's Homecoming 5K on October 15.

I really, Really, REALLY want some cool running and work out gear. I'm using the same couple things I've used for a couple years and I'll use them until they fall apart into threads on my body because that shit is expensive. However, I'm going to try to start adding a piece or 2 every now and then.

Today is rest day, no work out. But back at it tomorrow and Saturday, Friday possibly as I may check out a Zumba class. Everyone seems to dig it and I have not yet tried it.

Basically, my life is kicking ass these days, working it out pays off.

Good Days

Some days, are just better than others. I had one of those on Sunday.

I got back on my work out schedule FINALLY and did a slow 2 miles on the treadmill at the gym. You have to start somewhere. After that I went to see my Gran Charlotte at the nursing home. I really had to do some mental prep work before this as she is really starting to decline more so mentally as well as physically. But, she was having a good day! I love her smile and how her eyes sparkle at me, it's awesome when she still knows us, but the time is coming that she won't. It's a fact of her dementia and I'm just glad I've had her for so long. She's had a good, long, wonderful life. As a family, I think we all agree that we don't want to see her waste away in pain or suffering at the nursing home and when the time comes that she will go peacefully before it gets too bad.

Next up was a visit with my Dad at his house. It was a great visit, he was in a good mood, great spirits and we had a nice talk, lounged by the pool and had lots of laughs. There is just a different vibe there now that my step-mother and he have separated and are divorcing. It's like a 24 year old weight lifted off of my shoulders. This won't make sense to anyone who manages to stumble across this and doesn't really know me. How should I explain? My step-mother was a waitress in my parents restaurant when she had an affair with my Dad. She is 4 years older than I am. My Dad left my Mom, my sister and I, married her and started a life. They had 2 children, a boy and a girl, my brother and sister whom I love very much! But it's been a rocky road, for me especially. And now, she is gone. And I'm not happy to see this happen to them or my Dad again. But I cannot be happier to feel like I have my Dad back, with no big issue hanging over us.

Lastly, I came home and gave my Mom a pedi, I'm a licensed nail tech and still do that on the side. We had a good visit and then my roommate and I watched Big Brother and laughed and were in general, just silly.

It's small stuff, just life, but damn it was a good day.

Hurricane Irene and a Burned Ass+

As we all know, I would think we all would anyway, Hurricane Irene swept the East Coast last weekend and was devastating to many areas. I have family in VA Beach and NY, thankfully everyone fared well, but so many didn't. I've heard this is the worst natural disaster to ever affect (or effect? That's a hard one for me to remember, although I'm usually a grammar nazi) Vermont. I was glued to the weather channel all of Saturday morning and into the afternoon. In Harrisonburg we are protected by the Blue Ridge Mountains so all we had were rain, grey, very overcast skies and a good bit of wind. It was almost like a winter's day and I just wanted to curl up, veg out and watch movies. Which is exactly what my roommate and I did. It was honestly an awesome day, for us. Much needed rest and down time. I'm sort of a weather groupie, I love to keep an eye on it and know what is going on although I am not even anywhere close to being even an amateur meteorologist. My favorite weather sites are NOAA and wxrisk.

I did a really, super, incredibly dumb thing on Saturday morning. My beautiful bronze beach tan was juuust beginning to fade, especially on my face so I decided to take advantage of Beach Bum's free tan day. I was awake at 8am, so thought I'd go on over before they got busy. Their beds are incredible. I chose the Platinum bed because it was too long of a wait for the Diamond. I happily stripped off my clothes and hopped in the bed for the max of 12 minutes. I got out and was looking fab. Went home and not too long later, started hurting. On my ass and boobs. Yep. This dumbass right here didn't think about her ghostly white parts that hadn't seen the sun in eons (I don't normally use a tanning bed and haven't for years). I had burned myself to hell in those areas. It HURT. I'm still so red there I'm almost purple, but at least the pain has subsided as of yesterday. I've never felt more stupid in my life and have been super pissed at myself. How could I not think of that?! Idiot.

Phone Apps

I stumbled across this article on Huffington Post - Best iPhone Apps for Women. Of course the same apps are available for Droid, which is what I currently have until I can upgrade mid year NEXT year. I thought the list was worthy of sharing. My faves from their list, that I actually use are: Loopt, Mint, Pulse News, Shop Savvy. The article had a few geared towards mom stuff, which doesn't apply to me, but might be great for women with families.

Other apps I like and use...TweetCaster, GoogleTalk, Handcent (for texting), WeatherBug, GetGlue, Foursquare, Poynt, ColorNote, Goodreads, GasBuddy, 107.9 The Link (to listen to the Bob & Sheri show!), 7 Words, Backgrounds, Barcode Scanner, Flashlight (I actually used this thing several times and it's awesome), Goodreads, Unblock Me (this game drives me crazy - I am awful at it, but it's good).

I'm sure there are some kick ass apps out there that I am missing. What are your favorites?

Bloggers Without Borders

I have been a long time blog lurker. You know, skulking around, greedily loading blog after favorite blog into my Google Reader. Eagerly reading other people's words (but never commenting on them - see what I mean - lurker) and alternately being inspired, connected, supported, validated, uplifted and most of all, racked with laughter at some damn funny people. It's true bloggers become a sort of family, I can see it clearly, and it's one I'm looking to get into. Oddly enough, I'm somewhat shy, most who know me in real life do not believe that of me, but I hold back a lot. I'm hoping to open myself up and be accepted here. But this post is not about me. Please go here to Bloggers Without Borders and read about Jennie who lost her husband suddenly a few weeks ago, and the subsequent outpouring of love and support. I had not read Jennie's blog before I came across BWOB, but I was glad I was able to read her words, see her strength and honesty. The video on BWOB is worth a couple minutes to watch, very touching. And of course, give if you can.

Dogs and Poop. What could be better?

I am making my way through 1000+ entries on my Google Reader, I can't seem to get caught up on the blogs I love to read. I always manage to get to one of my favorite blogs every day though, SUAR. Something Beth, from SUAR, and I have in common is our sense of humor about poop. So I found this hilarious and had to share. Enjoy!

Doggie Doo

Hormones.

I think I've mentioned before I have hormonal "issues." As in mine are whack. I've had them under control, mostly, through medication the last 2 years, but something has started to change again in the last 3 months. As per my doctor I keep a running log to document how I feel and when. It's been an extremely useful tool in pinpointing my issues. The current problem is the hormone testing I need done again is $250.00 and is not covered by insurance. Yeah, I don't have the money for that right now and probably won't until the first of the year or even more likely, sometime later in the first half of 2012. That's a really long time to wait when my quality of life has been suffering and will continue to do so. Let's hope I can work it out for that to happen much sooner. I have about 2 really good weeks out of the month and then I have 2 weeks that are rough and tough; a real struggle. It wreaks havoc with my work out schedule as well as just regular life. Some days, during the "off" 2 weeks, the most I can accomplish is getting to work and putting in a full day. I'm not going to lie, it makes everything I do/think/say/accomplish difficult. I'll be glad to get the testing done and modify my meds. It's not surprising this would happen, I am about to turn 39 and have always had relatively serious "female" issues my entire life. From what I hear it just gets better and more fun! I mean I have menopause to look forward to! Please, please tell me you detected my sarcasm?!

So today there was no working out. And let's face it, I NEED it. For my body, for my mind. But some days it's just not doable. So this eve was a raw cookie dough, Bacardi & caffeine free soda, mac 'n cheese, trash tv type of evening. Yep, that's the way it went. I just can't beat myself up about it, shit happens. Tomorrow is another day. As far as work outs, I did have something on my little plan I made for myself but if nothing else happens this week as far as working out, I MUST get in 3 runs. That is the minimum that has to happen each week from here on out til the 6K I'm doing October 6.

Despite my raging hormones I managed to get a lot done at work and with a good attitude. That's something I've cultivated over the last few years since the journey through my divorce and the personal changes I set about making. Previously I would just disconnect fully, work would suffer, my attendance was bad and I completely withdrew. I just couldn't deal, I wasn't equipped emotionally or physically. Luckily I was determined to do whatever I could to change that. And it has changed immensely. This current issue will change too, it WILL get better again.

So I discovered something this evening, so I'll leave you with a song I am totally digging right now.

Love.

I went to a wedding at the beginning of the month. I love weddings. And this one was spectacular. Not because it was extravagant, extraordinarily fancy, over the top or anything of that nature. Although it truly was lovely and very, very well done. But it was the people, Em and Eddie, their families and the location (Em's homeplace) and the thought and effort put into the details that made it so wonderful. It also has to do with this family, Em's family The Combs, I love them and they are all very dear to me, which made it all that much more awesome to be there. There were several readings during the short, sweet and poignant ceremony that struck a chord with me and I'd love to share them. I have not found what Em and Eddie have, I don't know if I will. But I hope someday I will and I hope that I will never settle for less again. Thank you Em and Eddie for sharing your day and thank you Combs family for being who you are.

“Let your love be stronger than your hate and anger.
Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.
Believe the best rather than the worst.
People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them.
Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship.
The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you bestow on your friends.
Please hand this down to your children and your children’s children.”
— Jane Wells 1886


“To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.”
— Ogden Nash


“When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.
— Captain Corelli’s Mandolin





EDIT -- 8/25/11 I had to go back and change the Captain Corelli's Mandolin quote because I did not have it quite right. Figures! This version is much better anyway :)

Popping In Again...

Hello little blog! I've been thinking about you. I think about you quite a bit, actually. Obviously I have trouble getting around to updating you. I'd like to do better about that, hell I'd like to do better about a lot of things. But I'm here now, and we'll see how this goes this time. It's been since April since I was last here! Wow. Time flies, yada yada.

In the last 4 months I've taken busy to a new level for me. In May I had a vacation to Florida to visit 2 of my best and dearest friends, Kat and Chrissie, who happen to be sisters. As always, it was a blast and I can’t wait to go back. Then came June, which was a personal challenge to not flake out under the pressure of being so busy every weekend - all things that were fun stuff. You might say, how the eff can you feel pressure from fun stuff?! Well, it happens, to me. I need a decent amount of rest (little to no alcohol rest) and what some would consider a large amount of “me” time. Therefore, crazy busy weekends tacked onto crazy busy weeks sometimes weird me out. But, I am proud to say I rose to the occasion.

June consisted of work all week, of course, as well as TWO workout classes offered at work through Gold’s gym that I signed up for. They each met twice a week and were awesome classes (Pilates and BodyFlow - my fave). Weekends consisted of a bachelorette party weekend at the lake - fun and somewhat relaxing, a weekend trip to VA Beach for my cousin’s wedding reception - fun and not relaxing - when a bunch of family involved it is like walking a tightrope at times. Then followed a wedding to attend and help with - however I was directing it and didn’t know that until the rehearsal. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best at what I do, so was feeling the pull of that, but I think for having never directed a wedding before it went not only well, but beautifully. The credit goes to the bride and family for knowing exactly what that wanted, I just carried it out. I really enjoyed myself although it was a ton of hard work. The last weekend of the month was mostly devoted to a long time friend’s 40th birthday party. Unfortunately by the time that rolled around I was not feeling my best physically or mentally and felt as though my contribution to the fun that night was not only lacking but a pretty sad effort. I was feeling run down and whenever that happens, I get emo. There were people there that I used to hang out with regularly from when I was married and the past was swirling around me, reminding me of things I didn’t want to think about and compare the now to then and I was not dealing with that in the best way possible. I made my way home from the party relatively early and home to rest and try to rejuvenate. I’d love to say things like that don’t bother me, but they do sometimes and that’s the fact. I am dealing with hormonal imbalances/issues again and that magnifies my yuck when I’m dealing with it. I’m learning so much how I have to listen to my body and take care of myself, especially as I’m getting older. I certainly abused the ole bod back in the day, and frankly still can from time to time although my lifestyle has changed drastically in the present.

But I digress. Catching up some more...July brought more busy work weeks and another class offered 2 days a week at work by Gold’s; BodyFlow again. It’s my absolute favorite. Also on the menu was a long holiday weekend of dog/house sitting in Waynesboro, a family reunion the next weekend, another weekend of dog sitting and also celebrating my Bonus Dad’s birthday - and oh what an awesome celebration it was! The following weekend I had a baby shower to attend and a trip to Orkney Springs with my Mom to see the Beatles Tribute Band 1964. Orkney Springs is a great place to go to a concert; not too far away, about 45 minutes at the most. It has a covered area but the rest is outside and you can bring chairs, table if you want, wine/beer/non-alcoholic drinks, food - just set up and enjoy. I hope I get the opportunity to go again. I ended July with a quiet weekend at home, I think. At least there was nothing on my calender to remind me that I was doing anything. And I live by that sucker, so it must be correct. Oh I had car trouble again in July. ARGH. Had to borrow almost $200 to get it fixed so have that hanging over my head and will feel pressured until I have that paid back. Mostly I just feel lucky my Mom was able to lend me the money and my car got fixed.

August was more of the same crazy busy that June had. A weekend trip to Tazewell, VA for a wedding of a friend which was utterly delightful. The best wedding I have been to. Em and her family are family to me, her sister Amy a best friend, and I love them more than words can say. I went straight from that to a week’s worth of dog/house sitting in Waynesboro, with a 60+ mile commute to work every day. I’m not gonna lie - it was rough doing all the dog and household duties there and then commuting into work and putting a full day there, commuting back to Waynesboro and doing the evening duties there. I was in bed early all week out of necessity for my sanity. Unfortunately, one of the dogs became extremely ill and I have to deal with that and nurse him. Poor baby, he was so ill. But we got through the week. I immediately left that job on a Saturday morning to come home, unpack, repack and be picked up for the ride to Myrtle Beach, SC. Yep, vacation numero dos. My Mom and Bonus Dad paid for a beach house for all the kids and grandkids - 17 of us. 9 adults and 8 children. Yes I said EIGHT. None of us have vacationed together, hell we never see each other. Other than my parents and sister and her kids, the other 2 families live in California and New York. It was a blast. There were a couple bumps, one big one that I managed to navigate and otherwise pretty damn smooth sailing. I was concerned, I am single and childless and to go from that to EIGHT children...yeah. Scary. But amazing. I loved seeing my nieces and nephews that I never get to see, 2 of whom I had not met yet! The ages ranged from 3 to 10 years old - 1 - 3 year old, 2 - 4 year olds, 2 - 6 year olds, 1 - 8 year old, 1 - 9 year old and 1 - 10 year old. I’d like to include a pic of them all, but I’m not sure I know how, usually when I try to do pics and links it never works. However I may try. So I’m just home from that vacation last night. Did I mention it had been 21 years since I was in Myrtle Beach?! Not since high school graduation, I think. Of course major changes have taken place. I did so much relaxing, I read 3 books and 6 magazines! It was just so good. But, I was glad to get home, I had not slept in my own bed since the 5th of August and I was looking forward to it.

On the home front, I can already tell the students are trickling in, “town” is already busier. And of course our grad students came back 2 weeks ago to work and many other students that have a vested interest in campus, jobs to do or clubs to run are already back to get things in order before classes start the 29th. This week I personally have to jump start my schedule, this means haul ass out of bed by 6am to work out, then get ready for work. I need to be on campus earlier during the semester so I have to kick my ass into gear before it actually has to happen next week. Summer is basically over for me. It truly flew by.

So now that we are all caught up let’s talk about the future. In the immediate future it’s going to look like this for me - crazy busy at work and otherwise tons of working out . I’m re-upping (is this an actual word? I don’t care, I made it up, it’s my word) getting my fitness on. AND I have a 6K at the beginning of October, I’d really like to make a decent showing at it, so training begins hardcore effective tomorrow. I’m also broke and owe money so, until I get that paid off I allowing very little frivolous spending such as dinners out or going out for drinks. Which is SAD for me! As much time as I need to myself, I need that social time too. Somehow it will work out.

I’d also like to blog more often. I enjoy blabbing my thoughts but haven’t made time to do it regularly. I’m going to change that. I’d like to blog about my fitness progress, daily life and anything and everything I find interesting. Which leads me to, do I want to do that here on Blogger? Or do it all on Tumblr? I do post other things on Tumblr, but not my thoughts and such, just reblogs, links and pictures there. So why not combine it? I’m just not sure yet.

If anyone is reading this, and if you read this far, kudos and thanks. Otherwise, it was just a nice little walk down memory lane for me and an opportunity to get my goals out there. I’m out of here to do fun stuff like finish laundry. Actually I’ve been catching up on all my trash tv last night and today when I can, which IS actually fun stuff. True Blood tonight, can’t wait for that!

All my nieces and nephews!!! <3

Hello World!

I've been busy. Being Shaelicious. "Doing Life" as Ben Davis from says. Updates on current life...

Working out: Did 5K yesterday, shaved off 4 minutes from my previous hideous time on Saturday. I think I probably power walk as fast as I jog, but it helps to be able to change my pace when I get to the point I feel like I can't jog any more. I'm learning running is all mental. I have no lofty goals, yet, (such as a marathon) other than to be able to run a 5K in a "decent" time. From what I can tell, that's about 26 minutes. I am currently doing my little fast walk/job at 41 minutes as of yesterday.

Food: Yeah, I still love it! I feel much better overall when I eat a more natural, healthy diet. When I do fast food or consecutive restaurant food visits, I can really tell. And not in a good way. My body doesn't like it. It revolts. So, for the most part I'm eating natural and healthy. By healthy I mean, whole grain breads (if I have bread at all), egg whites (very few actual eggs), much less red meat, mostly chicken and fish - some pork, less dairy (although I cannot, will not give up cheese, very little starchy/carb foods such as pastas (which I dearly love) when I do have pasta I buy the Velveeta whole grain rotini with their cheese sauce packet or Lipton Parmesan noodles. They are prepackaged, yes, but healthier than some other prepackaged stuff. I try not to eat anything much that is processed, but I still do dine occasionally and try to make good choices. I don't deny myself, if I want something I have it. But I do try to keep it to a minimum because as I said, my body hates me if I overindulge.

The past: Let's just say, the past is finally getting left where it belongs. After all the years of the The Ex, he's going to stay where he belongs. In the past. There are a few other things I'm working on in counseling that need to be taken care of once and for all, also tied to the past; my childhood. And soon it can all rest in the past where it also belongs. It's hard work. I have bad days once in a while, the really bad ones where I'm emotional and depressed. But they are fewer and far between. I'm learning so much. I'm working so hard. And I'm proud. I'm succeeding.

Work: Holy balls it's busy!!! End of semester is coming and I can't wait for these fools to go home. Haha. Seriously, I'm over it for now. We have end of fiscal year coming up at the end of June and I will be focusing on that at the end of May. Semester end is in 2 weeks and most students will be gone shortly after that.




Fun: I have lots of it! Vacation is coming soon, 17 days to be exact. Yes I'm counting down. Don't you? A week in Florida. With one of the best friends in my life. My soul sister Chrissie. She has moved and has a pool at her house now, I cannot wait to spend my week by it. There is not much better than having such a good friend that lives in the Sunshine State. The only problem is how far away she is. But thank you Allegiant Air for your awesome $99 round trip flights!

Other: I'm having back problems again and am in quite a bit of pain. I've been seeing my chiropractor Dr. Magic Hands regularly and it is helping. He's suggesting massages to target the muscle spasms and knots I have. I'm extremely kinked up. It's possible I need a new work chair so I will have to see if that's a possibility. It's bad enough now to mess with the quality of my life.

I'm trying to spend less time multitasking. It makes me a more distracted, less focused person. Now sometimes that is not possible, such as at work. But some of that I can control and all of what happens in my personal life I can control. The Droid, the laptop, tv...doing all 3 at once is silly. So I'm working on it.

My step-mother is apparently talking to me again. It makes family stuff easier. Dad opened the pool yesterday - YAYYY!!! Even though they are about a half hour from where I live, it's still awesome to be able to go there and hang out. I love being by, on or in the water.

I've been enjoying Tumblr some more after a bit of a hiatus. Maybe I should just blog there?

Niece and nephew - need more time with them!

I am SO excited about summer coming. I need me some major fun in the sun and lots of time traveling.

That's about it. What's going on in your world?

Deletion

I just deleted all previous posts. Why? Because I felt like it! I've been in such a weird place and frankly was embarrassed by those posts.

I'd like to blog. I read tons of them and enjoy them immensely. Not sure I can concisely put my thoughts here and not sound like a total idiot.

That's all.